Diary of Tosen
by caitie88
Summary: Kaname Tosen is slightly normal on the surface but underneath that calm exterior is a durg addicted, sarcastic and judgemental former 9th squad captain. One-shot.


Life is good when you're in power, you get everything you could ever want…sometimes more. Their all such dumbasses, especially Aizen. I would have thought that he would have figured it out by now considering he is a self-proclaimed master of deception he should be able to see when someone is deceiving you right? Wrong! I've been going along with everyone's assumptions since I started in the Seireitei and no one has guessed.

You know my glasses that I wear, the metal ones? Yeah their not metal, it's just one sided glass. I found it one day in the Soul Society and thought that they were cool so I bought it. People just assume that I'm blind, not that there's anything wrong with that. I get a whole lot of advantages with a disability, especially one that alters my appearance so little, if anything it makes me look cooler. Eyes are overrated, or at least that's what they think I think. I mean I can't be blamed if the female arrancars assume that I'm blind and strip off in from of me... who am I to tell them I can see. I'm saving them the embarrassment of knowing their wrong.

The one bad thing about moving to Heco Mundo is that the retard Wonderweiss follows me everywhere. He's such a retard, one day I saw him chasing after Grimmjow and saying 'pretty kitty'. I'm surprised that Grimmjow didn't turn around and eat him. The only reason I let him hang around me and not chop is disabled head off is that I look good in comparison. If you surround yourself in ugly people you become hot.

Uhg... after this I have one of Aizens 'manly' tea parties'. Just because you speak of destroying the world doesn't make a tea party any less lady like. Retard. The only way I can sit though them is to Irish up my tea. One time I was put so much sake into my tea I got drunk, really drunk. I don't know what happened then but I woke up afterwards in the middle of the sand desert with half of my clothing gone and claw marks down my back, I'm glad I don't remember that night.

The best job I was ever given was to design the uniforms of all the arrancars. I don't know how Aizen expected me to do that since I was 'blind' but he made me do it anyway. I can see why those bimbos don't object to the clothes I made for them but that kid Lilienette actually puts up with her uniform. I can't imagine how much shit she would have to put up with from the other arrancars.

Sometimes the boredom gets so intense here that I have to snort a little white powder that looks a lot like sherbet, I'm not naming names just in case this gets into the hands of someone else. The 'sherbet' livens up the place a whole lot; it even makes that snake chick with her hand over her mouth look hot. I got my stash from Ichimaru, he has a huge amount and I had to pay a lot to get the 3 bags that I have under my bed. The reason Ichimaru never opens his eyes is because he always has bloodshot eyes because he is always high. No one could smile that much and be that happy without being high.

I had the greatest idea the other day, someone should slip Aizen some 'sherbet', then he might lighten up. I liked Aizen a lot better when he was in the soul society, he was a lot cooler then and where the hell did he put his glasses! I've been looking for them ever since we left the soul society, he just swept them back into his hair, never to be seen again, what is up with that!

I've noticed in the past months how messed up the espada are, let's start from 10. There's a mentally retarded one who all the thinks is bash smash kill (10)! There's one that isn't comfortable with himself so he takes other peoples bodies (9), there's a nerd gone cannibal (8), there's one that must be compensating for something with all those eyes (7), there's one with a learning disability because when Aizen says no he means it (6), there's an antifeminist spoon (5), there's an emo (4), there's a woman who thinks the best place for tattoo is where she has to take her top off to get to it (3), there's an old fart who can't except he will never be primera espada (2) and there's a lazy shit who doesn't give a crap that he's primera (1).

A N: Please read and review and tell me whether you think it should be more than a one shot because I don't know.


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